At 50 years of age I faced a brutal reality.

With well over half my life gone, I wasn’t the person I knew I could be.

I was an angry, aging man with way too many skeletons in the closet.

Yet I had the belief that I was worth the time, effort and energy needed to be a better person.

So today on my 55th birthday, what’s changed?

Firstly, in a little over two months it will be a year since my ‘breakdown’.

The behaviours and cravings which I fought so hard to dismantle have dissolved.

My White Whale is dead – its carcass rotting at the bottom of the ocean.

As a result, the cycle of passing my pain onto my kids has stopped.

They are now free from my trauma.

Secondly, I no longer care about the messiness of my children’s rooms, whether the laundry has been done or if I need to order takeaway because I haven’t done the grocery shopping.

No one died with or without these things and I’m no longer being an arsehole demanding them.

I have buried my ego of perfection.

Along with its other accomplices – image, status and control.

My new mantra is….“It is, what it is….” Nothing more or nothing less, it just is.

But it’s not about giving in, or lowering the bar.

It’s about accepting things the way they are, with curious kindness to myself and those around me.

My new mantra….

Lastly, I no longer suffer from energy toxicity.

I dropped all grain from my diet including bread, pasta, rice, noodles, breakfast cereals, oats, pastry, beer, and anything with sugar.

All the foods which store as body fat.

I don’t need to be overweight in the ‘back end’ of life.

Oh sure I’ll have a sushi or a wrap at lunch every so often but it’s not the norm.

Reflecting on my progress, my motivation never sprung from WHAT I wanted to change or HOW I was going to do it.

The change process started with the question: WHO did I want to be?

Rather than orchestrate a toxic home-life to which my kids would spend the rest of their lives in therapy trying to recover from, I yearned to be addiction-free, calmer and be a father my kids could emulate.

When you can answer this bigger question – WHO do you want to be? – your quest for improvement becomes un-stoppable, automatic and executed with bulldozer purpose.

That’s where I’ve been for the past 5 years – in the trenches, doing the work.

And now my future path is clearer than it’s ever been.

Because I’m walking hand in hand with the person I want to be.